I was cleaning out my room back home after college and discovered so many crafts and projects that I never ended up finishing. There’s the rug I started making in the 8th grade, the pillowcase I was trying to embroider in 7th, and then countless journals that I started and only stuck with to for a couple months, to name a few.
Thankfully, these projects are completely content to just chill in my room until I dig them out again once a year to work on for a day. Unfortunately, my lack of commitment has been noticeable in other areas of my life.
For example, there’s all those, “Hey, we should get coffee some time!” dates with people I haven’t seen in forever that never actually happen. Or the clubs I started freshman year but never attended more than a handful of meetings. Or the guitar that sits in my room that I told myself that I’d actually learn to play. Or the Facebook invites that I say “maybe” to because I don’t want to commit one way or another to. Or the New Years Resolutions that I write and completely forget about after March.
Further yet, there’s the quiet times I’ve skipped because I was “too busy” with other things. Or the memory verses I promised myself I would work on that are written on 3×5 notecards but not on my heart. Or the friends I’ve made who have fallen out of my thoughts.
Commitment is hard. Commitment to projects is one thing. They don’t have feelings. But commitment to people is even harder. It’s like, if I can’t commit to a blog theme or a nail polish color, how am I ever supposed to commit to anything serious?
I think one reason why I’m such a commitment-a-phobe is because I like to keep my options open. Another is because of pure selfishness and pride. I wrongly think that the things I have to do are always way more important than anyone else’s. Therefore, I don’t want to promise that I’ll help them if it means inconveniencing myself. Commitment is also terrifying. The thought of giving over significant amounts of time and energy and emotions into a person to have them reject me is painful.
Although it’s hard, commitment is the only way to find real meaning and purpose in our lives. Sure, commitment takes up our time and forces us to be vulnerable, but it’s worth it. Friendships are messy sometimes, but they are worth it. People are worth it. Or else, we’d just be like the balls in the pinball machines, bouncing off one person and one thing to the next without having any real identity or place to call home. No one would get a chance to know who we are and what we stand for and no friends would be around to share the good and bad moments of our lives with us. No one would know the dark parts of our pasts and our quirks and still love us. No one would get a chance to understand us. And, from what I’ve experienced, the one thing most people innately want is to be loved and understood. There are no real friendships or relationships without some vulnerability and commitment.
Thinking even deeper, though I cherish my family and friends, there’s no meaning apart from a relationship with God. Or else we all live and breathe and die. And the cycle goes on and on. It wouldn’t matter what we discovered or the relationships we formed. None of that would last without God. All would be meaningless.
Commitment to God is something that is hard for me to comprehend. The idea that the Creator of the world who knows all the horrible things about me sacrificed His time and His Son just to have a relationship with me is incomprehensible. He knows all my failures and my weaknesses more than I know, yet He is willing to commit to me. Better yet, because of Jesus, nothing gets in the way of Him committing to me, even though I get distracted from my commitment to Him by the stupidest things – social media, school work, and social activities. I don’t deserve it. That’s what makes it all the more amazing and astonishing. That what makes me strive more and more to commit every area of my life to Him.
So yes, I still have a hard time fully committing to things, to people, to God. Let’s be real, I’ll place those projects back into their proper space in my room to remain untouched for another three months. Maybe I’ll grab coffee with those people, although they’ve probably already forgotten all about it. There are thousands of school activities and personal goals that I could commit to doing, but I have whittled it down to three: (1) to love and obey God and to seek after Him daily, (2) to do everything I do to the best of my ability for God’s glory, and (3) to love and serve people, whom God also loves.